Greatest  Fear

What is your greatest fear?

While in my final year of college, I remember some of the answers my classmates gave to this question asked in a questioneer by  a friend of mine from the department of social studies for her final year project. Some were simple like not getting a good job or love.

Serah’s greatest fear was having her skeletons unveiled from the closets. Now engaged to be married after graduation into a wealthy and staunch christian family her future looked blissful. We were jealous of her to be truth full. She had found her mister right. And right he was, in all aspects. Well educated and well mannered, wealthy, tall, dark and handsome. She had been all smiles for the past many weeks after her engagement.  But only she knew what lay behind that pretty dimpled smile. 

A great fear that her secret past would come out and become public knowledge. Like the college going lady who had spent her evening with the late honourable John Juma on his last night. For just that twinkle of an eye that the cctv camera caught her face in the same vehicle with JJ. That moment that she’ll live to curse and hate.

How her face had been plastered all over the media for weeks, she was the topic of discussion in all gatherings. I doubt she even had the courage to attend classes with everyone whispering, ” She’s the girl on TV”. And imagine the agony her family and friends were going through, must have been even harder on them. True to the saying, when a madman walks naked, its his kinsmen who feel the shame. 
If only the universe had whispered in her (Serah) ears that her future would be a dream come true. Then she would have lived the past and present with dignity and walked into the future with splendor. Memories are a beautiful land to wonder in, if you do not have to deal with the past. 

Imagine her trying to teach her post-teenage children right and wrong, knowing very well that for her she chose to do the wrong. What if the ghost haunting her all this time comes out then, before her children’s eyes! What a miserable way to live.

If only she had considered the long term consequences of her actions.

If only! If only!

My greatest is dying of HIV/AIDS related complications. That was Mulinge’s greatest fear. Considering his lifestyle for the five years he had spent in college, he had all the reasons to be fearful of that eventuality. Imagine one handsome tall big bodied, athletic Mulinge, in a hospital bed. Frail and thin to the bone, those huge beautiful eyes gorging out of the sockets. And no hope. 

As he looks back at his life, he remembers those moments that were then his pride and joy. The fooling around and having it all.The fun. Maybe the one moment, that one tiny speck of time in the universe that if it was skipped then all this would not even be a fear, but vocabulary not to be mentioned in his life.  

If only at that particular moment he had reconsidered his decision, and turned the other way, all would be well.  Like a movie, if only he had flushed forward and seen what his actions would lead to.

If only! If only!

Then why do we put ourselves in situations and lead our lives  in a way that when we are alone we quietly pray that our fears may not come to be. I mean we’ve  been told time and again that we reap what we sow. Then why do we act then live our lives dreading what will come out of our actions.

Why do we put ourselves in situations that cause us unnecessary anxiety and even lead to disaster?

Why ? Why?

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