Heart Break

Am in low spirits, not sure why. Maybe because I did not complete all the work that I  had planned on or the reading that I had hoped to do today.

Or maybe bacause I miss him. I know I told him yesterday that I will not call him again. I wish he had time for me. I want to understand that he’s busy but tell that to my heart. 

I am emotionally involved, okay I think I love him, but he’s too busy for my comfort. I want 100 percent of him but I clearly know that is a dream, not with his crazy schedule. 

So since he’s too busy already I do not see the need of him adding another complecation to his life. I ask to be cancelled out of his schedule, then hopefully one day when he’s open, he can have me back.

I cannot handle the lack of communication for days. How busy could he be to be unable to find a minute to send a good morning or night text…It hurts so bad, I dont remember ever feeling this way before.

 Like someone is squenzing life out of my heart. 

Now I understand what people call heartbreak. 

For the first time I actually learned that a hug can be really intimate. He’ s in my thoughts, my dreams, I wish for him like always. 

I keep hoping that he would walk into my house like he’s done before. So that we could spent some time together. We have so much to talk about. Or maybe its never gonna happen. I wish I could wake up tomorrow having forgotten him. 

Will not let myself fall in love again unless its sure to succeed. Guess am paying for all the heartbreaks that I have caused before. Finally am experiencing one. Never knew it hurts this bad. It’s really painfull.