There’s information that I have received via WhatsApp that has infused me with fear of water. 

Its about a colourless creature contained in tap water. 

Am the kind that always has a bottle of water nearby, I take a sip all the time throughout the day even the night. 

Am thirsty right now but unable to take any water. I look at this bottle of water and wonder if this colourless creature is in the water waiting for me to gulp it down my throat. 

 The thought of having a worm like creature inside me…….iiiiiii infuses me.  with great fear,,,  to my stomach literally.

I don’t think I’ll even take a shower this evening, until I get over this.

Adventures of a Water drop #1

Loosing myself in all this salinity
The heat makes me uncomfy
Oh my, i can fly, rising rising
Have to crab this dust
Can rest after the long ascent
With the wind inland we move
Why is every drop joining me
Too heavy for the dust

Down we fall, they call us rain

I hung on a tree for a while
The leaf bends and drops me
With a thud I hit the ground
Roll downhill to the pool
She draws me into a bucket
Enjoy the lift to her home
I hate the smell of detergent

Done with us, into the drainage she pours
Together we ride to the river
I swim along not sure of destination
Its gets salty again
I hate this
Cant wait for the ascent
And the ride in the clouds.



I called from my bedroom.

“Bring me the dictionary, I need to check the meaning of this word”

English is not my first language so a little bit shallow on vocabulary. Had to check this one out. Thanks to my Oxford advanced learners dictionary I got the meaning fast.

So our jails are filled with hard criminals sentenced for execution but there has been a reprieve.

Why? You may ask. Okay its a funny story, a rumour, so don’t quote me on this.

The person who used to carry out the executions died some years back and no one has the courage to take his place. 

Is that even possible, that in a country populated by 40million people, we can’t have one single individual whose ready to take on this task. Don’t count me, I can’t do it, that leaves 39,999,999 people. One of you guys should take this for team. 

Because of the reprieve, the criminals continue to eat on our taxes and they do not add any value to our economy coz am told they don’t do any kind of work. 

Waiting for death that never comes, they are hopeless and depressed it would be easier if they just ended it. One such person said that when he was interviewed on TV. 

He was convicted for killing his family – wife and three kids after a night of smoking marijuana. 

Its a pity, no family no mercy no oblivion, just misery.

Desperate Housewives

I first heard about this program when in college. Women were obsessed with it. Never cared to know what it was all about. It was the kind that I would never bother myself with, judging by the name.

They are housewives and they are desperate, what a desperate situation.

Then I found myself in that kind of a situation, the only difference was I was without a husband. In all senses I was a house wife,  all I did was wake up prepare my son for school do my chores then stay in reading watching etc the kind of things that housewives do ( no offence).

So I decided to hung out with the four ladies in the program. I managed to watch the four seasons each with twenty four episodes within a month. Thats how idle I was.

The company you keep influences us in many ways, be it personal friends, the books we read or the media, for my case it was the program. 

I remember at some point exercising so hard to attain Gabriellas body then on the third season when she got all fatty courtesy of her two kids. My workouts ended.

Sometimes I tried to keep my kitchen as meticulously clean as Brees but her stardands were beyond my reach. Susan was my fall back friend. Sloppy and desperate to please. I could do better than her, she was my comfort zone.

The career lady was on another level that I could not dream of reaching. Especially the baby making part…what! She was a real baby maker. They came in doubles for Lynette.

I remember feeling lonely the  day after I completed the series. I was missing my friends because I had interacted with them everyday for a whole month and really bonded. Laughed with them, celebrated their achievement with them and even cried with them when tragedy befell any of them. 

I know I sound crazy but believe me you can bond with anything virtual or imaginable if you spend a lot of time with them, whether in your head or in reality and losing them can feel as bad as any other loss. 

I am not sure why I shared this story, but since this is my journal, this happened  in my life and needs to be recorded in here.
My favorite was Gabriella and Susans daughter, can’t remember her name. I loved the interior designs of their houses too especially the colour themes of their wall painting. 

They were desperate for many things like attention, perfection, love but I was desperate for company, and I enjoyed theirs.

For ever and for always

They say nothing defines a woman more than her favorite song. Just listen to it carefully and you’ll know her by heart. Well my all time favorite song is Forever and always by Shania Twain. That’s me, I want things that I can have always and forever.

The bougainvillea happens to be my favorite flower.If you’ve read the poem, stanza 3 says it all. Not sure about the for ever but I always have the flower with me, somewhere close by. Everywhere I go I see it and believe me where I currently live I see it every day, one more reason why I love this small town.  

If I stay in the house,  I always have a bunch set along the corridors which I get for free. Just ask for permission to pluck from someone’s home or maybe get some from those that grow in the wild.

My cousin hates the flower for the same reason that I love it. Its everywhere. Why would anyone hate something because its always present? That beats my logic coz remember my song is forever and always. I love things that I can have always.

Maybe she loves the water lilies, which are impossible to find in this town because its a semi arid, with no big water body and no single permanent river. So she can only see water lilies in photos or when she travels.

I guess thats the reason why most people are miserable in life, going after the stars when they can enjoy a beautiful candle lit evening.

So are you the ‘always’ person or the ‘rare’ is precious person. Would you enjoy that which is locally available or rather struggle to attain that which is elusive and almost impossible to find? In the process miss to enjoy that which is with you. 

I choose the bougainvillea, always with me wherever I go.

My always and hopefully forever.


Whispers of a guilty conscience

Oct 7th 2016

The training went well.  Frank was good really good,  I learnt a lot myself and enjoyed very much. Widened my network too. I met a spiritual brother from Tanzania. We are so many and all over the world. It was nice having him around.  He was calm and disciplined and I the opposite. Sometimes I think am too loud for a JW. 

Been having issues lately.  My past mistakes come to haunt me. Make me feel worthlesss and my service to God like a cover up and unacceptable. I give myself fully but wonder how people will react when they get to know what I have done and  the skeletons I hide in my closet. How will they view my service and all the time I spent at the construction (of our place of worship) and even taking care of the construction team.

It makes me wanna stop everything and just coil back into a corner and forget it all.

But that would be a danger to me, and a roadway to making bigger mistakes.. though I doubt if there is gonna be a bigger mistake than what I have already done.  So I’ll soldier on, give myself as much as I can, so when that time comes, the time that I dread so much, that time when all the skeletons will stumble out of the closet like zombies. …I will be spiritually strong and stable to handle and go through the storm with humility and dignity. 

About Nicks,  Yaaa,  I like him, very much. But I feel like am not really the best for him. He’s really a spiritual person. He’s almost everything that I want. ..but am I everything that be wants? It scares me. I need to work on myself, my spirituality. ..but still I feel unable to make progress due to my skeleton. …it’s a cycle that I can’t break free. 

Will be unfair to him,  I would not do that to anyone. But how do I make everything right. The things I have done are just un  imaginable, how could I tell on them? what would I say,? how would I say? How will I live after telling all? The embarrassment. The guilty, I will die . . most definitely. .. . Pls help me God.

I can feel that I am not okay, my spiritual routines are fading and it’s like my conscience cannot stop judging and condemning me.
I sometimes feel like I should just go back to where I belong, like am too bad for these. Like I’ll never belong or live by the laws and principle without ever straying. 

But if I dare do that, I’ll hurt the people that I love, and mostly myself coz, I’ll go crazy. Having lost the most important relationship (with God) in my life I’ll have nothing to live for.  Its a protection for me,  because am the wild one. Living by principles help put girdle on myself and that way am guided. That helps me avoid so many negative things, hence live a beautiful satisfying life.
But with a guilty conscience. is un-livable.

They say confession is good for the Soul one day one time I’ll redeam my soul …..

Looking forward to that day when I’ll wake up having put all this behind, then I will really give myself freely and find real joy.

Its a cycle

It would be simplicity

To love the one with ability

To see the vulnerability

And provide availability

He loves me I can feel

By the way he says for you I feel

And desperately wishes me to feel

But he’s not the one I can feel

The one I want is distant

Other plans important

His heart is vacant 

But keeping me he does not want

Am not for him maybe

He wants another could be

Why for me can’t he be

That happy always I may be

Wish I could love

The one that me loves

To keep forever the love 

That for me he loves

Its a cycle 

Like the wheel of a cycle

Forever its gonna cycle

Never to break the cycle